Woman facing drug trafficking charges in Asheville

07:44 Woman facing drug trafficking charges in Asheville 0 Comments

An Illinois woman is facing drug trafficking charges in Asheville. Montreace Akara Teshna Martin, 22, of South Elgin, Ill., was charged Friday with two counts of trafficking cocaine, possession of hashish, possession of drug paraphernalia, and providing fictitious information to an officer, according to warrants at the Buncombe County magistrate’s office. Martin is accused of having 235 grams of cocaine and 17.6 grams of hashish. She is being held at the Buncombe County Detention Facility under a $62,000 bond.

Brian Regan: Brookside star to cocaine addict

07:20 Brian Regan: Brookside star to cocaine addict 0 Comments

Brian Regan found fame playing loveable rogue Terry Sullivan in the Liverpool soap opera Brookside. In the show's 1980s heyday, his character's antics were regularly watched by up to seven million viewers a week. But when Regan left the soap in 1997, his acting career petered out and he plunged into a life of drug dealing and addiction. Now he is behind bars, serving a five-year jail sentence for lying to police over his role in the murder of Iranian doorman Bahman Faraji and selling drugs. Regan's jail sentence can now be reported following the conviction of Jason Gabbana, 29, for ordering Faraji's murder. Details emerged in court of the actor's descent into drugs and supplying members of Liverpool's criminal underworld. During the trial, Regan told Liverpool Crown Court how he started taking cocaine at weekends at the end of his Brookside career. It was through his use of cocaine he became involved with Edward Heffey, convicted of murdering Mr Faraji with a sawn-off shotgun in a quiet Liverpool street. Simon O'Brien, who played Damon Grant in Brookside, said Regan's involvement with drugs was a "slow burn". Snorting cocaine "It is a very difficult place when you're acting, particularly on something as high-profile as a soap, because fame and infamy attract each other," he said. "Actors and gangsters, for some reason, almost get off on each other. It's a really strange mutual attraction because I think the hard man gives the actor a kind of security out in public and the actor gives the gangster kudos. "The two worlds often get intertwined and when that happens, inevitably drugs become involved. So it was kind of a slow thing from what I remember, it was a slow burn." Regan was charged with Mr Faraji's murder and was cleared - but he was convicted of giving a false alibi to police about where he was on the night in February 2011. Actor and presenter Simon O'Brien said actors and gangsters get off on each other" During the trial, he told Liverpool Crown Court he supplied Heffey with cocaine "about three or four times a day". When Heffey asked him for a lift on the night of the killing, he said he thought he was taking him to collect a debt so he could pay for the drugs. In fact, once they arrived in Aigburth in Regan's Ford Escort, Heffey got out, walked round the corner and shot Mr Faraji in the face with a sawn-off shotgun. Regan told the court he knew nothing about the incident - because he was waiting in the car, snorting a line of cocaine. He said he then "drove away normally" from the scene and took Heffey home. Regan was cleared of murder at his trial which ended in January. 'Lose control' However, when he was first interviewed by police he lied about driving Heffey to the pub, but CCTV evidence put him at the scene and he was found guilty of perverting the course of justice. Mr O'Brien, 46, who was friends with Regan in their Brookside days, said getting involved in drugs was a tragedy that is "not uncommon" in the entertainment industry. "Brian is just one example of what happens when you're in the limelight and everything is flying and you lose control," he said. "You feel you're invincible when you're at the top of the game and you're not. "Sadly, if anyone wants to know what happens if you get involved in taking cocaine, this is an example of someone who was at the top of the tree and because of cocaine, he ends up behind bars."

Study Suggests Link Between Narcissism And Facebook

07:09 Study Suggests Link Between Narcissism And Facebook 0 Comments

There may be a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and just how much of a “socially disruptive” narcissist you are, according to a recent study published in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences. Facebook habits of 294 students between the age of 18 and 65 were studied by researchers at Western Illinois University. They also measured two of what they describe as  ”socially disruptive” elements of narcissism- grandiose exhibitionism (GE- having to be at the center of attention), and entitlement/exploitativeness (EE-  having a sense of self entitlement/deserving of respect) of the students. The study found that those who scored highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire changed their profile pictures more often, responded more aggressively to negative comment about them on their Facebook walls, tagged themselves more often, and updated their news feeds more regularly. Carol Craig, a social scientist and chief executive of the Centre for Confidence and Well-being stated: “Facebook provides a platform for people to self-promote by changing profile pictures and showing how many hundreds of friends you have. I know of some who have more than 1,000.” According to the Guardian, Christopher Carpenter, who ran the study, said: “If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking.” Are we really narcissistic? Or could it simply be we are just bored? Or maybe just really friendly and outgoing, looking to meet new people? Do you think these researchers are reading just a little too much into it?

Minimum price for alcohol introduced in bid to tackle Britain's binge crisis

06:47 Minimum price for alcohol introduced in bid to tackle Britain's binge crisis 0 Comments

The cost of a pint of beer will be at least 80p and a pint of strong cider would be at least £1.60. Mr Cameron said he was trying to tackle the country’s binge drinking culture and was targeting those who ‘pre-load’ on cheap supermarket drink before going out. He wants a 40p minimum charge for each unit of alcohol, following similar moves in Scotland. The prime minister said: ‘We’re consulting on the actual price but, if it is 40p, that could mean 50,000 fewer crimes each year and 9,000 fewer alcohol-related deaths over the next decade.’ The minimum price was welcomed by police and health campaigners, who say drink was behind 1.2million hospital admissions and 1million crimes last year, and  cost Britain £21billion a year. Critics, however, say it will unfairly punish the vast majority, who are sensible drinkers and comes just hours after a five per cent rise in duty on drink was confirmed in the budget. Mr Cameron also wants to give pubs more powers not to serve people who are drunk, a zero tolerance approach to drunken behaviour in hospitals, a ban on multi-buy discounts and a late night levy on pubs and clubs to help pay for policing. A consultation will take place in the summer, with a new law introduced by the end of the year. He said: ‘Binge drinking is a serious problem. And I make no excuses for clamping down on it.’ Supermarkets will oppose a minimum price. At Asda, a can of Smartprice lager costs 22p. The supermarket is also selling wine at £2.30 a bottle. It contains 8.3 units of alcohol, meaning it will rise in price by at least £1.

Whitney Houston drowned after cocaine use, says coroner

23:54 says coroner , Whitney Houston drowned after cocaine use 0 Comments

Whitney Houston's death was caused by accidental drowning, but drug abuse and heart disease were also factors, a coroner has ruled. Coroner's spokesman Craig Harvey said drug tests indicated the 48-year-old US singer was a chronic cocaine user. The announcement ends weeks of speculation over the cause of Houston's death. She was found submerged in the bath of her Los Angeles hotel room on the eve of the Grammy Awards on 11 February. In a statement, the LA County Coroner's office described Houston's manner of death as an "accident", adding that "no trauma or foul play is suspected". The cause was cited as drowning and "effects of atherosclerotic heart disease and cocaine use". Other drugs found in her blood included marijuana, as well as an anti-anxiety drug, a muscle relaxant and an allergy medication. But these were not factors in her death, the coroner's statement said. Patricia Houston, the singer's sister-in-law and manager, told the Associated Press news agency: "We are saddened to learn of the toxicology results, although we are glad to now have closure." The pop star was laid to rest at a cemetery in her home state of New Jersey after a funeral that was attended by celebrities including Oprah Winfrey, Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey and Mary J Blige. The singer, who was one of the world's best selling artists from the mid-1980s to late 1990s, had a long battle with drug addiction.

Brookside's Brian Regan jailed for Bahman Faraji murder lies

14:54 Brookside's Brian Regan jailed for Bahman Faraji murder lies 0 Comments

Ex-Brookside actor Brian Regan has been jailed for lying about his part in a gangland killing. Regan's sentence can be revealed following the conviction of Jason Gabbana, 29, for ordering the murder of a nightclub doorman in Liverpool. Bahman Faraji, 44, was shot dead at close range outside the Belgrave public house in Aigburth in February 2011. Regan, 54, who played Terry Sullivan in the soap, was jailed on 25 January for four years and 10 months. Gabbana, of Score Lane in Childwall, was found guilty of murder at Liverpool Crown Court. Mr Faraji was accused by Gabbana's defence of drug dealing and running an illegal protection racket. Snorting cocaine Regan, St Marys Road, Garston, Liverpool, was cleared of murder but convicted of perverting the course of justice after it emerged he lied to police when he was first arrested, telling them he was with his partner Christine Lines at the time of the murder. Bahman Faraji was shot as he left a pub In fact he was snorting cocaine in a car as father-of-one Mr Faraji was shot dead yards away at close range on the evening of 24 February 2011. Regan admitted driving gunman Edward Heffey to and from the hit but told the jury he did not know his passenger was carrying a sawn-off shotgun and was planning to kill Mr Faraji. Regan also disposed of a pair of gloves he wore on the night. The sentence, following a trial which ended in January, could not be reported until the conclusion of the Gabbana case. Gabbana was convicted of murder by an 11 to one majority. Heffey, 40, of Beloe Street, Dingle, Liverpool, and Simon Smart, 32, of Kylemore Way, Halewood, Liverpool, who police said set up the killing, were also convicted of murder at Liverpool Crown Court. Regan's best friend Lee Dodson, 42, of Logfield Drive, Garston, Liverpool was cleared of murder. The trial heard Regan was hooked on cocaine and began dealing it to fund his habit as his showbiz career declined. Courtroom fracas After he admitted driving the gunman, the court ordered security to be stepped up around Regan and security guards sat between him and the rest of the defendants. He was also designated a "vulnerable prisoner" and held in an isolation wing in jail. When Heffey's guilty verdict was delivered, a woman and a young man in the public gallery angrily interrupted proceedings and had to be bundled out by police. Heffey appeared to lunge towards Regan in the dock and was swiftly taken down to the cells by security officers. The jury was unable to reach a verdict on Regan's girlfriend Christine Lines, 48, also of St Mary's Road, Liverpool, who was accused of perverting the course of justice by helping the ex-actor dispose of the gloves. The matter was ordered to lie on file and she will not face a retrial. Mother-of-one Lines admitted permitting or suffering her premises to be used in the supply of cocaine and was sentenced to 30 months imprisonment suspended for 12 months, with a 12-month supervision requirement. Gabbana, Smart and Heffey will be sentenced either Friday or Monday, Mrs Justice Davies said.

Liver deaths at all-time high

12:26 Liver deaths at all-time high 0 Comments

Liver disease is killing more people than ever before in England, especially in deprived areas, shows a report out today. Deaths from liver disease: implications for end of life care in England, the first national report into the problem, finds that between 2001 and 2009, deaths from liver disease rose by 25% – and that more than a third of these were from alcohol-related liver disease. In England in 2001, 9321 people died from liver disease, but by 2009 this had risen to 11,575; at the same time, deaths from other major causes fell. The report, from the National End of Life Care Intelligence Network, also showed that liver disease was a disproportionate killer of younger people, accounting for one in ten of all deaths in people in their 40s. Death from liver disease, especially alcohol-related, was much more common in men than in women – 60% of all deaths from liver disease occurred in men. Alcohol-related liver disease was responsible for 41% of deaths from liver deaths in men, and 30% of liver disease deaths in women. The most economically deprived areas of England were the most likely to have high levels of death from alcohol-related liver disease, where it accounted for 44% of all liver disease deaths, compared with 28% in the least deprived areas. Mortality also varied between regions: it was highest in North West, North East and London, and lowest in East of England, South West and South East. Professor Martin Lombard, national clinical director for liver disease, said: “The key drivers for increasing numbers of deaths from liver disease are all preventable, such as alcohol, obesity, hepatitis C and hepatitis B. We must focus our efforts and tackle this problem sooner rather than later.” Professor Julia Verne, lead author of the report and clinical lead for the National End of Life Care Intelligence Network, said: “It is crucial that commissioners and providers of health and social care services know the prevalence of liver disease in their local areas, so that more people can receive the care they need to allow them to die in the place of their choosing.”

A Nation 'Addicted' To Statins...

18:02 A Nation 'Addicted' To Statins... 0 Comments

Dear Reader,

In the UK alone, more than 7 million people are taking cholesterol-lowering statins. This is extremely worrying when you consider the damage these over-prescribed drugs can inflict, with side effects ranging from liver dysfunction and acute renal failure to fatigue and extreme muscle weakness (myopathy).

Slowly tearing us apart

Even more concerning are the side effects that crop up after long-term use, which are often not linked to statins. For example, one study monitored the symptoms of 40 asthma patients for a year. 20 of these patients started statins at the outset of the study, while the remaining 20 did not.

The results showed that those patients on statins used their rescue inhaler medications 72 per cent more often than they had at the start of the study, compared to a 9 per cent increase in those who were not taking statins. The researchers also reported that patients taking statins had to get up more frequently at night because of their asthma and also had worse symptoms during the day...

Worsening asthma symptoms is just the beginning. More recent research has linked statins with an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes, depression, Alzheimer's disease and dementia.

Still, doctors are very quick to reach for their prescription pads and push these drugs. There appears to be an unofficial (but widely practiced) 'statins for all' approach... especially if you are aged 50 and over.

Luckily, some mainstreamers are slowly catching on to what we've been saying for nearly a decade. In 2011, research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine drew attention to the fact that there is inadequate medical data available that proves the benefits of statins, and that many studies fail to acknowledge the most commonly reported adverse effects of statins.

The fact remains (and your doctor may still deny this) that in total, statins cause serious damage in about 4.4 per cent of those taking them, in comparison to the 2.7 per cent statin users benefiting from them... and it looks as if this message is finally getting through to medical authorities.

A case in point is simvastatin or Zocor. After being on the market for almost 3 decades and causing havoc and distress with its horrendous side effects, the American Food and Drug Administration (FDA) finally issued a warning about the use of this drug... saying that even the approved dosage can harm or even kill you!

Yep! Kill you!

All well and good

It's all fair and well and good that the FDA flagged this warning, but what's the point if doctors continue to prescribe these drugs left, right and centre?

Professor Sarah Harper, director of Oxford University's institute of population ageing, recently said that the UK's "love affair" with prescription medicine, shows how people choose to pop pills rather than follow a healthy lifestyle.

She cited the widespread use of statin drugs to 'help' protect against heart disease and lower cholesterol, instead of eating healthily, quitting smoking, reducing alcohol intake and taking regular exercise.

By all means, I applaud Prof Harper for pushing the message that living a healthy life plays a big part in preventing disease, but why blame patients for being a bunch of pill poppers when doctors hand out drugs with reckless abandon... and recommend taking preventative drugs to ever younger age groups. So in fact, the white coats should be labelled as Big Pharma's drug pushers, because they're part of the problem... especially considering that so many people put their entire trust in their doctor and would never dream of questioning their advice. Most people take what they say as gospel.

Then there's the media, inundating Joe Public with inflammatory headlines like: 'Statins could help fight breast cancer' or 'Statins can prevent infections like pneumonia'... Not to mention their reporting on botch studies showing the 'unintended benefits' of statins, like their potential to prevent pneumonia, combat diabetes, reduce the risk of oesophageal cancer, breast cancer and prostate cancer — all of these so-called benefits are of course not yet proven, and highly unlikely. Still, they reach the front pages!

So, yes we might have turned into a pill popping public, but it's the mainstream and the media that have created this monster all with the help and backing of the puppet master: Big Pharma. Because as you and I know all too well, it's all about the money. 

Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism

05:09 Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism 0 Comments

Researchers have established a direct link between the number of friends you have on Facebook and the degree to which you are a "socially disruptive" narcissist, confirming the conclusions of many social media sceptics. People who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly. The research comes amid increasing evidence that young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, and obsessed with self-image and shallow friendships. The latest study, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, also found that narcissists responded more aggressively to derogatory comments made about them on the social networking site's public walls and changed their profile pictures more often. A number of previous studies have linked narcissism with Facebook use, but this is some of the first evidence of a direct relationship between Facebook friends and the most "toxic" elements of narcissistic personality disorder. Researchers at Western Illinois University studied the Facebook habits of 294 students, aged between 18 and 65, and measured two "socially disruptive" elements of narcissism – grandiose exhibitionism (GE) and entitlement/exploitativeness (EE). GE includes ''self-absorption, vanity, superiority, and exhibitionistic tendencies" and people who score high on this aspect of narcissism need to be constantly at the centre of attention. They often say shocking things and inappropriately self-disclose because they cannot stand to be ignored or waste a chance of self-promotion. The EE aspect includes "a sense of deserving respect and a willingness to manipulate and take advantage of others". The research revealed that the higher someone scored on aspects of GE, the greater the number of friends they had on Facebook, with some amassing more than 800. Those scoring highly on EE and GG were also more likely to accept friend requests from strangers and seek social support, but less likely to provide it, according to the research. Carol Craig, a social scientist and chief executive of the Centre for Confidence and Well-being, said young people in Britain were becoming increasingly narcissistic and Facebook provided a platform for the disorder. "The way that children are being educated is focussing more and more on the importance of self esteem – on how you are seen in the eyes of others. This method of teaching has been imported from the US and is 'all about me'. "Facebook provides a platform for people to self-promote by changing profile pictures and showing how many hundreds of friends you have. I know of some who have more than 1,000." Dr Viv Vignoles, senior lecturer in social psychology at Sussex University, said there was "clear evidence" from studies in America that college students were becoming increasingly narcissistic. But he added: "Whether the same is true of non-college students or of young people in other countries, such as the UK, remains an open question, as far as I know. "Without understanding the causes underlying the historical change in US college students, we do not know whether these causes are factors that are relatively specific to American culture, such as the political focus on increasing self-esteem in the late 80s and early 90s or whether they are factors that are more general, for example new technologies such as mobile phones and Facebook." Vignoles said the correlational nature of the latest study meant it was difficult to be certain whether individual differences in narcissism led to certain patterns of Facebook behaviour, whether patterns of Facebook behaviour led to individual differences in narcissism, or a bit of both. Christopher Carpenter, who ran the study, said: "In general, the 'dark side' of Facebook requires more research in order to better understand Facebook's socially beneficial and harmful aspects in order to enhance the former and curtail the latter. "If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking."

It's Not Dementia, It's Your Heart Medication: Cholesterol Drugs and Memory

23:56 It's Not Dementia , It's Your Heart Medication: Cholesterol Drugs and Memory 0 Comments

One day in 1999 Duane Graveline, then a 68-year-old former NASA astronaut, returned home from his morning walk in Merritt Island, Fla., and could not remember where he was. His wife stepped outside, and he greeted her as a stranger. When Graveline’s memory returned some six hours later in the hospital, he racked his brain to figure out what might have caused this terrifying bout of amnesia. Only one thing came to mind: he had recently started taking the statin drug Lipitor. Cholesterol-lowering statins such as Lipitor, Crestor and Zocor are the most widely prescribed medications in the world, and they are credited with saving the lives of many heart disease patients. But recently a small number of users have voiced concerns that the drugs elicit unexpected cognitive side effects, such as memory loss, fuzzy thinking and learning difficulties. Hundreds of people have registered complaints with MedWatch, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s adverse drug reaction database, but few studies have been done and the results are inconclusive. Nevertheless, many experts are starting to believe that a small percentage of the population is at risk, and they are calling for increased public awareness of the possible cognitive side effects of statins—symptoms that may be misdiagnosed as dementia in the aging patients who take them. Fat and the Brain It is not crazy to connect cholesterol-modifying drugs with cognition; after all, one quarter of the body’s cholesterol is found in the brain. Cholesterol is a waxy substance that, among other things, provides structure to the body’s cell membranes. High levels of cholesterol in the blood create a risk for heart disease, because the molecules that transport cholesterol can damage arteries and cause blockages. In the brain, however, cholesterol plays a crucial role in the formation of neuronal connections—the vital links that underlie memory and learning. Quick thinking and rapid reaction times depend on cholesterol, too, because the waxy molecules are the building blocks of the sheaths that insulate neurons and speed up electrical transmissions. “We can’t understand how a drug that affects such an important pathway would not have adverse reactions,” says Ralph Edwards, former director of the World Health Organization’s drug-monitoring center in Uppsala, Sweden. Two small trials published in 2000 and 2004 by Matthew Muldoon, a clinical pharmacologist at the University of Pittsburgh, seem to suggest a link between statins and cognitive problems. The first, which enrolled 209 high-cholesterol subjects, reported that participants taking placebo pills improved more on repeated tests of attention and reaction time taken over the course of six months—presumably getting better because of practice, as people typically do. Subjects who were on statins, however, did not show the normal improvement—suggesting their learning was impaired. The second trial reported similar findings. And a study published in 2003 in Reviews of Therapeutics noted that among 60 statin users who had reported memory problems to MedWatch, more than half said their symptoms improved when they stopped taking the drugs. But other studies have found no significant link between statins and memory problems. Larry Sparks, director of the Laboratory for Neurodegenerative Research at the Sun Health Research Institute in Sun City, Ariz., goes so far as to say that “you’ve got a better chance of buying a winning lottery ticket, walking outside and getting hit by lightning and dying” than you do of suffering a cognitive side effect from statins. Vulnerable Genes? Many experts agree that for most people the risk is quite low, but they are beginning to believe the effects are real. “A subset of the population is vulnerable,” argues Joe Graedon, co-founder of the consumer advocacy Web site the People’s Pharmacy, which has collected hundreds of reports of cognitive-related statin side effects in the past decade. Some researchers believe these people have a genetic profile that puts them at risk.

Shisha cafes should have prominent notices saying, “Smoking shisha can kill” - just like you would on a cigarette packet

07:59 Smoking shisha can kill 0 Comments

 puffing on a Turkish waterpipe is the latest trend to hit British bars and cafes.

The flavoured tobacco, which is smoked via a long pipe connected to a vessel filled with water, is particularly fashionable among young people, with the number of specialist bars rising 210 per cent since 2007.

But the World Health Organisation has warned that a one-hour shisha session can be as harmful as smoking 100 cigarettes.

Trend: Zaky Ali ,40, owner of Marhaba Cafe in Birmingham, with a hookah pipe for smoking shisha, which is becoming more popular among the young. But experts warn it can do more damage than cigarettes because users take more puffs of smoke

This is because a cigarette smoker typically takes between eight and 12 puffs, inhaling 0.5 to 0.6 litres of smoke.

But during hour-long shisha sessions smokers may take up to 200 drags, ranging from 0.15 to 1 litre of smoke each. 

‘Shisha smoking is a growing concern because people aren’t aware of the risks like they are with cigarette smoking,’ says Professor Robert West, director of tobacco studies at University College London.

‘The greater the exposure in terms of duration and amount smoked, the greater the risk to your health’

That’s because although shisha tobacco tastes nicer than cigarettes, it contains all the same toxicants known to cause lung cancer and heart disease.

Risk: Smokers typically take in 12 puffs on a cigarette compared to up to 200 for hookah pipes

Among the risks are heart disease, respiratory problems, lung and mouth cancer and problems during pregnancy.

‘Smoke from tobacco contains a number of carcinogens which damage the DNA in cells,’ explains Professor West. ‘Just one damaged cell can divide and multiply uncontrollably and quite quickly develop into a large tumour. This is what causes lung cancer,’ explains Professor West

Enthusiasts claim that as the smoke passes through water most of the harmful chemicals are absorbed, however there is no evidence to support this.

‘If people think it’s safer than cigarettes, when it’s not, they need to be informed otherwise,’ said Professor West.

There are other risks. As the mouthpiece is passed around from person to person, this raises the risk of transmitting diseases such as tuberculosis and hepatitis.

The waterpipe has been used to smoke tobacco for centuries, primarily in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

A rise in travel to countries such as Egypt and Turkey has seen the pipe transported to the UK.

The waterpipe is heavily sold as a souvenir, and is popular with tourists who like to take it back home as a gift or decorative object.

The waterpipe can also be purchased in various shops in London for as little as £20, with shisha tobacco costing £5-£10.

The tobacco is burned with charcoal in a bowl that sits above the vessel.

The smoke it produces passes through the water in the container and goes down the pipe so the user can sit by the vessel and an inhale it with their mouth. 

Middle Eastern inspired: A shisha user in Iraq, the pipe's traditional home

The smoke is cooled by the water and makes it feel less ‘harsh’ - and experts warn that as a result people inhale it more deeply into their lungs, which increases the risks even further.

Shisha tobacco is flavoured with fruit molasses such as apple and strawberry, so the residual redolent smoke is sweet.

Because it doesn’t taste like a cigarette, people often think of it as being safer or better. Many young people who don’t usually smoke are attracted to this seemingly harmless activity.

It’s also a cheaper option than buying a round at the pub. One shisha usually costs between £7-£20, and is often shared by two or three people throughout an evening.

In the borough of Westminster, London, the number of shisha cafes have gone up approximately by 68 per cent since 2007.

The smoking ban hasn’t stopped this trend from growing. Restaurant and café owners offering shisha have been able to flout the ban by creating garden terraces or patio seating outdoors.

But as the weather gets warmer, and shisha becomes more and more fashionable, experts are calling for better health warnings.

Professor West suggests: ‘Shisha cafes should have prominent notices saying, “Smoking shisha can kill” - just like you would on a cigarette packet.’

Having a cocaine binge at the weekend followed by three or four diazepam to get to sleep on Sunday messes up the brain's chemistry

07:55 Having a cocaine binge at the weekend followed by three or four diazepam to get to sleep on Sunday messes up the brain's chemistry 0 Comments

Having a cocaine binge at the weekend followed by three or four diazepam to get to sleep on Sunday messes up the brain's chemistry, a consultant psychiatrist says.Many people who use drugs recreationally also take prescription medicines such as tranquillisers, sleeping pills and painkillers to deal with the effects of a weekend high and get back to work on Monday, new research reveals. An international survey carried out by the Guardian and Mixmag magazine found that about a third of the 7,700 people from the UK who revealed their illegal drug use also took prescription sleeping pills – 22.4% had taken benzodiazepines such as temazepam in the last year and 7.2% had taken the newer "z-drugs" – zopiclone and zolpidem. Those taking part in the survey were predominantly well-educated working people who felt they were in control of their lives. But Dr Richard Bowskill, consultant psychiatrist and medical director of the Priory rehabilitation centre in Brighton, said he saw the fallout years later from this pattern of illegal and prescription drug-taking among "highly functioning" clients. "People think they are being their own pharmacist. They have a major binge of cocaine over the weekend and three or four diazepam to get to sleep on Sunday night. They think they understand what it is doing to their body and they think they are in control, but their brain chemistry is getting messed up," he said. "They know the effects of the drug. It's often being used following cocaine to self-medicate for the downswing and it causes chaos. It's a really common scenario. Then they can't get to sleep on Monday and they take some more sleeping tablets." While recreational drug users think prescription medicines are safe, because GPs hand them out and the tablets are what they purport to be, benzodiazepines and opioid painkillers are highly addictive if taken regularly for any length of time. Anna, who had a high-pressured job requiring her to make frequent long-haul flights, was not a recreational drug taker but started taking zopiclone to help her sleep on the plane or when she arrived in a different time zone and needed to be fresh for work in the morning. "Your body gets accustomed to the drugs. I didn't really understand their addictive nature," she said. "They weren't having an effect so I was having to up the dosage." She ended up taking five tablets at a time, but they just made her more anxious, irritable and sleepless. "I lost a lot of friends." She talked of the societal "pressure to perform" and her regret that there was so little help. GPs did not want to know, she said. With the help of the Council for Information on Tranquillisers, Antidepressants and Painkillers (CITA), a support group, she had been switched to a different drug and was slowly cutting down. Against expectations, most people in the Guardian/Mixmag survey did not get their prescription drugs from the internet, but from their own GP or a friend who had been prescribed them. GPs were in a bind, said Dr Peter Swinyard, national chairman of the Family Doctor Association. When people arrived in the surgery complaining of pain or insomnia "we are predisposed to believe what people tell us", he said. "We always work from the premise that they are being honest with us." Nonetheless, a survey the association did last summer showed that 52% of GPs were worried about prescription drug abuse in their area. Eight out of 10 of the 197 GPs who responded to the survey said they were aware of prescribing to people who they thought were addicted. Half were aware of occasions when prescriptions had been sold on. "People tell us they lose their prescription or it got eaten by the dog. A lot of general practices have systems like a book at reception recording those who say they have lost their prescription," Swinyard said. But there are people who GPs would not characterise as liars or cheats. "There is the traditional little old lady who is taking her sleeping pill prescription and selling it down the pub. I'm sure there is a cohort of elderly people supplementing their pension by selling their prescription drugs," he said. Although the Guardian/Mixmag survey responders mostly said they used sleeping tablets for sleep and painkillers for pain, they had often tried them to get high – 57.8% in the case of the anti-hyperactivity drug Ritalin, nearly 40% in the case of the benzos and 28% who had taken opioid painkillers. In the US, prescription opioids have caused a huge problem since oxycodone – better known by its brand name OxyContin – was licensed for use outside cancer treatment in the mid-1990s. In 2008, 15,000 Americans died from overdosing on prescription opiates, according to the Centres for Disease Control (CDC), which is more than on heroin and cocaine combined. The opioid epidemic appears not to have hit the UK. "There has been a rise in oxycodone deaths, but it is pretty small," said James Bell, addiction consultant at the South London and Maudsley NHS trust. "I have been trying to look for evidence here and it is not a big problem." Demand was fuelled in the US by direct advertising to the public. In the UK this is not allowed and most people are registered with a single NHS GP so cannot shop around. The Guardian/Mixmag study, which was conducted by Global Drug Survey, shows that a quarter of responders had taken prescription opioid painkillers and 9% had taken other painkillers. More than three-quarters said they took them for pain relief, 24% said they took them to get to sleep and 18% said they took them for mood-changing purposes.

LSD Study Spotlights Decades-Old Research On Hallucinogen For Drinking, Mental Illness

16:55 LSD Study Spotlights Decades-Old Research On Hallucinogen For Drinking , Mental Illness 0 Comments

Drug will make alcoholics forget that they want a drink

23:16 Drug will make alcoholics forget that they want a drink 0 Comments

 brains if the animals had a craving for drink. The study will be the first to look at the effects of disrupting drug memories on alcoholics. Researchers believe the drug may help prevent what they call "cue-drug memory" – when memories of certain people and places that are closely linked to with the craving for alcohol prompt an unconscious impulse to drink. Propanolol targets the beta-adrenergic receptors in the brain which help to create a strong emotional memory.Scientists believe the drug may work by stripping emotion from the memory. The discovery could revolutionise approaches to the treatment of chronic alcoholism. The Medical Research Council is now funding further research into the phenomenon as part of a £2.7m five-year programme. The research team at Cambridge University's Behavioural and Clinical Neuroscience Institute,which is investigating addictions, aims to recruit dozens of alcoholics later this year to take part in the first ever experimental medical trials using Propanolol. Dr Amy Milton, who is leading the research, said: "Traditionally, memory was viewed as similar to a book, which can be shelved but never changed once printed. We now think that memory is more like a word processing document – you can save it and then recall it, at which point you can adapt or even delete its contents." She will be presenting the team's initial findings at this week's Cambridge Science Festival.

Regular drinking habit comes with age

09:13 Regular drinking habit comes with age 0 Comments

PEOPLE over 45 are three times more likely to drink almost every day as those who are younger, according to new figures. Some 13 per cent of adults over 45 drink almost every day compared with 4 per cent of those under 45, Office for National Statistics’ data shows. And as people get older they tend to drink more – with over a fifth of men aged 65 and over drinking almost every day compared with just 3 per cent of men aged 16 to 24. Among women, 12 per cent of over-65s consume alcohol almost every day compared with just 1 per cent of 16 to 24-year-olds. However, the survey, of more than 13,000 adults in 2010, found younger people were more likely to binge drink.

LSD could treat alcoholism

09:08 LSD could treat alcoholism 0 Comments

The new study published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology found that LSD had a positive effect on alcohol misuse in each of the trials, with 59 per cent of patients who took the drug having improved at follow-up, compared with 38 per cent who took a placebo.  A single dose of LSD produces benefits which last between six and 12 months, and repeated doses along with modern treatments could ensure longer term results, the researchers said. The drug, which causes hallucinations that make users experience the world in a distorted way, is not physically addictive but some experte believe users can become dependant on its effects, for example from a need to distance themselves from reality. Pål-Ørjan Johansen, a Norwegian researcher and fellow of Harvard Medical School, who led the research, said: "Given the evidence for a beneficial effect of LSD on alcoholism, it is puzzling why this treatment approach has been largely overlooked." Dr David Nutt, former advisor on drugs to the government, said: "I think this study is very interesting and it is a shame the last of these studies were done in the 1960s. "I think these drugs might help people switch out of a mindset which is locked into addiction or depression and be a way of helping the brain switch back to where it should be, in a similar way that Alcoholics Anonymous programmes do."

Ice cream as 'addictive as drugs' says new study

00:23 Ice cream as 'addictive as drugs' says new study 0 Comments

Researchers concluded that cravings for the dessert were similar to those experienced by drug addicts. They found that the brain was left wanting more while eating ice cream in the same way as a person who regularly uses cocaine. Their study, published online in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, appears to add weight to previous studies that people can be left feeling "addicted" to some foods. Dr Kyle Burger, from the Oregon Research Institute, in Eugene, about 110 miles south of Portland, said overeating "high-fat" or "high-sugar" foods appeared to change how the brain responded and in turn downgraded the mental "reward". "This down-regulation pattern is seen with frequent drug use, where the more an individual uses the drug, the less reward they receive from using it," said Dr Burger, the study's co-author.

Sheen's ex-wife charged with cocaine distribution

22:14 Sheen's ex-wife charged with cocaine distribution 0 Comments

Charlie Sheen's ex-wife has been charged in Colorado with possession and distribution of cocaine stemming from her arrest in Aspen. Brooke Mueller was arrested by police on Dec. 3 after a woman reported being assaulted at a nightclub. Pitkin County chief deputy district attorney Arnold Mordkin said Friday that Mueller has also been charged with third-degree assault. Both drug charges are felonies. Possession with intent to distribute is the most serious and carries a penalty between four to 12 years. Conviction on the possession charge could result in up to 18 months behind bars. Mueller has vowed to fight the charges. Sheen and Mueller divorced last year after Sheen was arrested on suspicion of assaulting her in 2009. He pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and completed his probation in 2010.

Ex-drug prosecutor who handled Las Vegas celebrity cases gets 9 months in jail in crack case

22:10 0 Comments

A former top Las Vegas drug prosecutor who handled the high-profile Paris Hilton and Bruno Mars cocaine possession plea deals was sentenced Monday to nine months in county jail in a felony crack possession case. Former Deputy District Attorney David Schubert apologized to the court for what he called “a tragedy,” and then stood silently as a state court judge berated him as “a disgrace to his oath as a prosecutor and a lawyer.” 0 Comments Weigh InCorrections? Personal Post (Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department/Associated Press) - This undated police booking photo released by the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department showes former Deputy District Attorney David Schubert. Schubert a former top drug prosecutor who handled the Paris Hilton and Bruno Mars cocaine possession plea deals in Las Vegas has been sentenced to nine months in jail in his own felony cocaine possession case. Clark County District Judge Carolyn Ellsworth also said that the terms of a plea deal that could have gotten Schubert probation and a chance to clear his record were “offensive.” “I’m not going to give you the special treatment,” the judge said. Police arrested Schubert in March 2011 after they watched another man get out of Schubert’s car, go into an apartment complex and return. Officers found Schubert with a $40 rock of crack cocaine and confiscated an unregistered 9 mm handgun from his car. Schubert once handled Clark County’s highest-profile drug prosecutions as the district attorney office’s liaison to a federal drug task force. Hilton, 30, was arrested after police said 0.8 grams of cocaine fell out of her handbag following a Las Vegas Strip traffic stop in August 2010. The celebrity socialite received a year of probation on misdemeanor cocaine possession and obstruction charges. She successfully completed probation last fall. Mars, 26, was cleared in January of a felony cocaine possession charge after staying out of trouble for a year and meeting other conditions of a plea deal. The Grammy-winning pop star, whose real name is Peter Hernandez, acknowledged in court in February 2011 that he had 2.6 grams of cocaine after a performance at a Hard Rock Hotel & Casino nightclub. Schubert resigned from the prosecutor’s office after his arrest and underwent two months of inpatient substance abuse counseling. The 48-year-old has been undergoing outpatient alcohol and drug counseling since May, and has been practicing criminal defense law in some of the same courtrooms where he was a prosecutor for 10 years. Schubert pleaded guilty to a felony charge of unlawful possession of a controlled substance not for sale. The conviction could threaten his law career, depending on a review by the State Bar of Nevada and action by the state Supreme Court, bar official Phil Pattee said. The judge ordered Schubert to surrender March 12 to begin his jail sentence. Defense attorney William Terry said he may appeal the sentence or ask the judge to take the rare step of setting it aside.

Kathryn Fuller, who barely survived taking contaminated cocaine that killed her 'Amazing Race' producer boss, is likely to be arrested and prosecuted by police

22:04 is likely to be arrested and prosecuted by police , Kathryn Fuller , who barely survived taking contaminated cocaine that killed her 'Amazing Race' producer boss 0 Comments

Kathryn Fuller, who barely survived taking contaminated cocaine that killed her 'Amazing Race' producer boss, is likely to be arrested and prosecuted by police in Uganda when she is released from the hospital. 

Police spokesman Asuman Mugyenyi said Monday that Miss Fuller is being treated as a witness and suspect after she was found unconscious on the floor of her hotel February 18 alongside Jeff Rice, who died.

The announcement casts doubt on her ability to fully recover from paralysis that has left the right side of her body limp. Her father said she must return home to South African for medical treatment.

'Suspect and witness': Kathryn Fuller is subject to arrest in Uganda when she is released from the hospital, where she is recovering from taking contaminated cocaine

Bad drugs: Jeff Rice (left) has produced episodes of 'The Amazing Race' and other shows for American TV. He was working on a film in Uganda when he and Miss Fuller (right) took cocaine laced with fatal additives

'Ask people to pray that we come home,' Stuart Fuller, her father, told The Mercury newspaper.

Mr Fuller has been staying in the Ugandan capital of Kampala since Miss Fuller was discovered ill. 

Mr Rice, American TV and film producer, was found dead bleeding from his mouth and nose after taking the cocaine in hotel room he and Miss Fuller were sharing.

The pair were in Uganda working on a film Mr Rice was producing. 

Miss Fuller is currently recovering at a clinic in Kampala, but her father said she needs medical facilities and expertise only available in South Africa. 

'She can regain the use of her right side, but needs to come to South Africa for treatment and to recuperate,' Mr Fuller said.

However, Miss Fuller must likely face charges of consuming cocaine in Uganda.  

The case has alerted officials there to the possibility that Uganda is becoming a 'consumption destination,' a spot for adventurers and addicts to take illegal drugs with little risk of police detection.

Family man: Mr Rice is the father of two small daughter, aged 7 and 1. He and his wife worked out of Durban, South Africa

Mr Fuller said he was disappointed in his daughter for taking the drugs, but says she has already paid the price for her mistake. 

'I am cross, extremely cross. She’s an extremely bright woman who made a mistake,' he said.

'After this, she’ll have to prove herself. We’ve been through hell, but which father wouldn’t rush to support his daughter?'

Police arrested Moses Kalanzi, a 23-year-old 'special hire driver,' for supplying contaminated cocaine and heroin to Mr Rice. 

The driver is co-operating with police and could face charges for his role in the transaction, according to Ugandan newspaper the Daily Monitor.

Work: Rice helped producers on The Amazing Race, which follows teams as they travel around the world for a prize of $1 million. He worked on its latest season

'There was constant communication between the special hire driver and Rice on phone about the purchase of the drugs,' said a police spokesman. 'So we want to know the source of the drugs and how it is trafficked into the country.'

Father-of-two Mr Rice, 39, who worked on the series The Amazing Race, was discovered slumped over a table bleeding from his nose and mouth at the Serena hotel in the capital, Kampala. 

Family: Miss Fuller's father Stewart Fuller traveled Kampala in the hopes of taking his daughter back to south Africa for treatment

An official toxicology report confirmed the narcotic with a 'lethal additive' was in Mr Rice’s blood, dispelling initial suspicions he had been poisoned by attackers or that he had swallowed it to conceal the drugs from police.

Mugenyi, the Ugandan police spokesman, said: 'Rice… used cocaine which had lethal additives and that’s what killed him.'

Brad Nathanson, a private investigator and friend of Mr Rice, said he had been shown the toxicology report by police and there was no evidence of 'foul play' in Rice’s death.

He said: 'In fact it was as a result of buying bad drugs, cocaine to be specific … it was a bad concoction.' 

'I have read the toxicology report … it shows that there were small traces of cocaine in their blood and urine.' 

Mr Nathanson said he had traveled to Uganda as a favor to the Rice family following rumors he had been poisoned.

Miss Fuller was found unconscious at the same time Mr Rice’s body was discovered 

Mr Rice and Ms Fuller were believed to have voluntarily consumed the drugs, meaning she could be prosecuted under Uganda’s drug laws. Drug use can carry a jail term in Uganda.

As well as the Amazing Race, Mr Rice also worked on Animal Planet's Whale Wars and the South African version of The Biggest Loser.

He is survived by daughters, ages 2 and 7.

INDONESIAN authorities claim an Australian man arrested this week allegedly carrying 1.1kg of hashish inside his body was couriering for an international drug network.

03:45 INDONESIAN authorities claim an Australian man arrested this week allegedly carrying 1.1kg of hashish inside his body was couriering for an international drug network. 0 Comments

INDONESIAN authorities claim an Australian man arrested this week allegedly carrying 1.1kg of hashish inside his body was couriering for an international drug network. Because the amount exceeds 1kg, Edward Norman Myatt, 54, could face the death penalty if convicted of importing the drug, said I Made Wijaya, chief of Customs at Bali's Ngurah Rai international airport. "We believe he is a courier," Mr Wijaya yesterday told a press conference at which the Ballarat-born suspect was exhibited along with the drugs. "He is covering up information on the network in Indonesia." Speaking later in Denpasar, Gories Mere, chief of the national counter-narcotics agency BNN, said international drug syndicates were supplying illegal drugs into Bali. The trade had been in methamphetamines, Mr Gories said, but now the type of drugs being trafficked was changing. Mr Myatt was taken into custody at the airport on Monday afternoon after arriving from New Delhi via Bangkok. Mr Myatt was under surveillance by 40 officers when the Thai Airways flight landed because his movements had already attracted attention, Mr Wijaya said. Customs officers searched his baggage and clothing at the airport without finding any evidence of drugs, but remained suspicious. Mr Myatt was taken from the airport for a CT scan at a Kuta medical centre, but momentarily escaped the car when stopped in traffic and dived into a swamp near the roadway, Mr Wijaya said. The suspect was quickly caught and the scan later showed "suspicious objects" in his stomach. Mr Wijaya said 71 capsules containing hashish and one with crystal methamphetamines were recovered from Myatt's body over the following four days. The total weight, including packaging, was 1.11kg. The estimated street value of the hashish was Rp661.8 million (about $67,750). Under Section 113 of the Narcotics Law, Mr Wijaya said, "the suspect faces maximum penalty of death" or a prison term between five and 20 years. Mr Myatt, who was carrying Australian and British passports, had an April 4 return ticket to New Delhi. He had visited Bali five times previously. A Customs source said later that Mr Myatt was thought to have been working in Britain recently, but he had changed details of his story several times during questioning. Eleven of the 12 Australians now imprisoned at Bali's Kerobokan jail are serving lengthy terms for drug trafficking. They include Gold Coast woman Schapelle Corby and the Bali Nine heroin smuggling convicts. Two of the Bali Nine, Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran, have been sentenced to death and their last resort is an appeal for presidential clemency to Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono. Sydney man Michael Sacatides was arrested at Ngurah Rai on October 1, 2010, with 1.7kg of methamphetamines concealed in his luggage. Sacatides was last year sentenced to 18 years' jail.

Online porn increases sex addiction risk says expert

03:32 Online porn increases sex addiction risk says expert 0 Comments

THE prevalence of internet pornography is turning more Australians into sex addicts, an SA rehabilitation expert says. "The amount of porn that is readily available to anyone, especially on the internet, will lead to a serious public health problem," said Robert Mittiga, who runs the GATS Counselling centre on Hackney Rd, one of only two clinics in Australia that treats sex addiction. Mr Mittiga said he treated up to 40 sex addicts a year but expected the number to grow as more people learned about the condition. "Research has shown that about 10 per cent of any population are addicted to sex," he said. Mr Mittiga conservatively estimated up to one million Australians could have the problem. He said the internet - and young people's access to it - exacerbated the problem. He likened its wide array of pornography to marijuana, which he said was a gateway to harder and harder drugs. "Many sex addicts were exposed to pornography at a very young age, before their minds could properly process it. It could've been their father's magazines under the bed, but these days it is readily available on the internet," he said. "Sex addicts on the internet often experience a rapid progression of their addiction as they trawl deeper and deeper into hard-core porn to get their fix." He acknowledged there was a debate over whether it could really be classified as an addiction but said he treated it as an addiction because it met all the criteria. "Sex addicts have the same mood alterations as people addicted to substances like drugs or alcohol," he said. "Most importantly, they continue their behaviour despite the serious life-changing consequences, such as lost relationships, STDs and legal problems." Mr Mittiga said he was treating younger people, including women, and had one client who had begun stealing to pay the $90,000 he spent on prostitutes. He said the movie Shame, about an addict who pursues sex even though he gets no real pleasure out of it, was an excellent representation of the problem.

Cannabis memory effects examined

01:35 Cannabis memory effects examined 0 Comments

Scientists believe they are closer to understanding how taking cannabis disrupts short-term memory. The Canadian team from Ottawa University narrowed the effect down to a particular type of brain cell called an astrocyte. Writing in the journal Cell, they said it might be possible to block it in medicines based on cannabis. A UK researcher said it could reveal more about natural brain chemicals. Cannabis floods the brain with a host of chemicals which mimic one of its own subtle signalling systems, leading to pronounced changes in mood and memory. Scientists are trying to harness the power of these chemicals, called cannabinoids, in pharmaceuticals aimed at conditions such as multiple sclerosis and chronic pain. The doses of cannabinoid are carefully controlled to avoid the "high" feeling. The work by the Ottawa University researchers may shed light on how one of the best known cannabinoids, THC, acts on the brain. Memory matters Their work suggests that, when it comes to affecting memory, THC is acting not, as might be expected, on the brain's neurons, but on a brain cell called an astrocyte. Continue reading the main story “ Start Quote We may find a way to deal with working memory problems in Alzheimer's.” Dr Xia Zhang They bred mice whose astrocytes could not be affected by THC, and found that their spatial memory was unaffected by the dose. This discovery could help drug companies reduce the risk of unwanted side effects when using THC in their products, they suggested. However, possibly more importantly, it could shed light on the brain's own chemical pathways, the "endocannabinoid" system. Dr Xia Zhang, one of the researchers, said: "Just about any physiological function you can think of in the body, it's likely at some point endocannabinoids are involved." Understanding how this system works could lead to ways to make it work better, he suggested. "We may find a way to deal with working memory problems in Alzheimer's," he said. Prof Heather Ashton, from the University of Newcastle, said that memory problems were an established feature of cannabis use, and understanding the mechanism behind them was "interesting". She said: "When someone is taking cannabis, in some cases you find that they cannot even remember starting a sentence by the time they reach the end." But she agreed that the practical benefits of such research might ultimately lie in a better understanding of the body's own endocannabinoid system, rather than the effects of cannabis itself.

Ronnie Wood: Show keeps me sober

17:28 Ronnie Wood: Show keeps me sober 0 Comments

Ronnie Wood has revealed doing his radio and television show has helped him stay sober. The Rolling Stones guitarist, who has previously opened up about his alcoholism, presents a show on Absolute Radio, which has been turned into a television series for Sky Arts. And he said having a focus has helped him stay off the booze. He said: "While I've been keeping sober, it's been a way to express myself in a new focused way. It has helped me stay sober because of all the archives I'm having to plough down with my producer. I've had to concentrate but I also get the freedom, it's what I do, I deal with music, I get energy from it." The musician entered rehab after an intervention by artist Damien Hirst, and Ronnie told the Radio Times he knew he had to get clean as he was becoming immune to the effects of drugs and alcohol. He said: "The drink wasn't working, the dope wasn't working. I wasn't getting high. I was getting p'ed off and I was getting annoyed at myself. I thought, 'I'm not this person'."